Parva fabula, pars nona

Latina:
Ita in hortis ludentes, Adam Lamiaque feliciter vixerunt ad fines temporis. Duobus horis, sabbatum finivet, et fuit proximus dies, et Dominus missit requiescere; et paratus est de nihilo ad multitudinem creatandum, velut de nihilo formans omnes. Caelum inde descendit forma Sancti Spiritus, et velut columbus erat qui super paradisum Eden volaret, plenus potentis maiestatisque.

Deus deinde Adamum et Lamiam in pratis iacentes despectavit, qui foedo cum peccato intertexti sunt qui Dominum irritarent, quoniam Adam pravo cum homine erat, homine alio nondum creato, et Deo non placebat. Ecce ira Dei grandis erat, fecitque ut vox magna in caelo crepet primum in historia hominis, et Adam, qui inter creatione absoluta, offensus terretusque caelum suspexit.

"Quid accidit, O Lilith mi simi?" Adam tremens inquit, nam deinde miscebat flamen qui fragorem comitaretur.

Lamia suspicebatur factum potente divino esse, atque plena metus, et non Adamum correxit eam non simia esse. Celeriter respondit Adamo, "O, certe nihil fuit, sed ecce hora. Iam vesperascit, et in cubile dormiendum mihi est."

"Cubile quid est?" inquit Adam.

"Vale!" Sine responso currebat Lamia ad arbores, et antequam confusus Adam plus dicere poterat, intra silva ea abivit.

"Quid erat? Bone Domine!" Adam dixit.

"Salve?" Vox tonitro in responso resonavit quae paradisum Eden concuteret, sed Adam cognoscebat eam vox Dei esse, quem imprudenter vocaverat. Non expectans responsum hominis, vox murmurabat. "Sentias te magnopere velle dormire, Adam. Nunc cupias tu somnum."

Iuncus commotionis Adamo statim vanescuit, et pro ea venit cupido dormiendi quae fecit ut homo in somnum decideret. Non stertuit, nihil tamen in iugulo habens ut spirandum impediret.

Homine dormiente, Deus.coepit hominis secandi causa. Ungues Sancti Spiritus primo cutem hominis diffindit, Deusque, arbitrans se requirere manum tertiam, fecit et eam extendit in apertura cruenta ubi stabant intestina hominis membra. Comprehendens os idoneum, manus Sancti Spiritus ungues torsit hocque fragmentum ossis velut serra secavit, spargans farinam ossium in organis vitalibus. Sic est, Adam posterus cancrum contracturus erat, sed nunc non pertinens est.

Osse extracto, Deus accepit acidum desoxyribonucleicum (ADN) hominis quo clonem hominis facere posset (et ut structura sceleti Adamo milibus annis posthac concisura certissime esset).

English:
So, frolicking in the garden, Adam and Lilith lived happily ever after. Two hours later, the Sabbath ended, and it was the next day, and the Lord ceased to rest; and He was ready to create a multitude out of nothing, as He had moulded everything out of the void. Hence, He descended heaven in the form of the Holy Spirit, and like a dove he hovered over Eden, full in His might and majesty.

Then God looked down at Adam and Lilith lying on the meadows, intertwined obscenely, and this angered the Lord, for Adam was with the wrong person, because the other man was not yet created, and his behaviour did not please God. Behold, the wrath of the Lord was great, and it caused a great noise to rumble in the sky, for the first time in the history of man, and Adam, who was relaxing amongst perfect creation, looked up in shock and horror.

“What is happening, O Lilith monkey?” Adam said, trembling, for then a gust stirred accompanying the thunder.

Lilith guessed that divine power was at work, and thus was filled with fear, and failed to correct Adam that she was no monkey. She hastily answered Adam, “Oh, I’m sure it was nothing, but look at the time. It is growing dark already, and I must to bed.”

“What’s a bed?” said Adam.

“Goodbye!” Without a response, Lilith ran toward the trees, and before the befuddled Adam could say anything more, she was gone within the woods.

“What was that about? Good Lord!” Adam said.

“Yes?” A thunderous voice boomed in response, shaking Paradise Eden, but to Adam it was recognizably the voice of God, whom he had inadvertently called. Not waiting for the man to respond, the voice droned on. “Thou feelst very sleepy, Adam. Sleep now dost thou desire.”

The rush of excitement in Adam vaporized within an instant, and in its place came a drowsiness, which caused the man to fall down into slumber. He did not snore, there being nothing in his throat to constrict his breathing.

With the man asleep, God began the process of operating upon Adam. The claws of the Holy Spirit first ripped through human skin, and God, realizing that He needed a third limb, created one and extended it into the bloody aperture, where the man’s organs stood. Taking grip of a suitable bone, the limb of the Holy Spirit flicked its talons and sawed off a bone piece, scattering bone-meal everywhere on the man’s innards. Adam would of course contract cancer because of this later on, but that is irrelevant for now.

Having extracted the bone, God has gotten ahold of the man’s DNA with which to clone a new person (and ensured the collapse of Adam’s skeletal structure a few millennia hence).