Where I am

I've gone back to playing Neverwinter Nights on the Dragon Coast server. It's not perfect for me, but it's been fairly enjoyable.

Roleplayed social contact is better than no contact at all, so I'll do that.

Of course, I'm not playing so much that I couldn't find time to post anything at all. It's just a withdrawal thing for me, a mental health issue thing, a matter of ennui and all that.

Sorry about my inactivity. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to a regular posting schedule after the semester is over.

SBoAC and MS Paint

Two new pictures produced with MS Paint for my ongoing story, The Second Beginning of the American Civilization. Quality and hilarity not assured.

Map of New America

The art of diplomacy

Time to overanalyse my traffic

According to my stats, on average, I get about 100 visits a day, often more than that but sometimes less. When I got Slashdotted back in September, I got -- gasp -- 140 clicks, which was significantly lower than what I got in October (generally ranging from 150 to 250 a day).

I get around 5 to 15 confirmed zombie spambots on some days, and sometimes I wish they would stop flooding my logs. They're inflating my stats, and I often wonder if half of the traffic I get from Uncyclopedia, which is the main source of most of my traffic these days, is also from random spambots.

Then there are the occasional visits from Wikipedia and other mirrors, as well as search engines, looking for a post I made a while ago about some popular Korean drama. I have since removed the link from my main page, as I got wary of the sense that mainstream interest in any artistically beautiful work could act as a powerful corrupting force.

As for why I feel most of my visits are not that genuine, a consistent lack of comments is one sign, and it seems even my more inflammatory posts are attracting less attention and feedback now than back in March, April, and May when I was a lot more active in the blogosphere, commenting here and there reciprocally all the time -- despite the fact that the amount of traffic I get has not really changed that significantly, only the source.

Perhaps people just have little interest in "yet another blog"? I don't know. I certainly have no intention of pulling the plug at this moment, but sometimes, blogging all by yourself in the dark seems like such a lonely thing to be doing in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere.

It's even sadder that people who know me seem rather uninterested in this online journal as well.

I don't want popularity; it's frustrating when people feel that's what I'm after. That's not what I'm after. I'm simply frustrated by the utter silence that goes on here, that I could sometimes go for weeks without a single response (that isn't more of an ad), that it seems less than a dozen of people have actually left comments more than once, and that I, a nearly hopeless social phobic, am probably boring the heck out of everyone that was still stubborn enough to stay, if there indeed was anyone.

I don't want money. The ads on this page may seem to contradict that, but I guess I signed up for that program only because I had foolish thoughts. What else, after all, could a social phobic who can't even speak in full, grammatically coherent sentences really do to make a living? Even putting up a PayPal button is not something I could do, since accepting gifts from real people, rather than faceless corporations, is too daunting a thought for me.

Have you seen The Virgin Suicides? Actually, that prison of a house closely mirrors the state I'm in.

Again, I need to stress that I don't want popularity. Popularity might possibly ruin me, and to a large extent turn this journal from a shelter, a place of solace to a source of even more agony than I can handle. Again, that's not what I'm after.

I want some sort of purpose to what I'm doing, apart from simple venting. I want human voices conversing to each other. I don't care if they don't really know me, as long as they recognize my existence, because then I would sit back and relax, in my own comfort zone, and observe and rejoice.

The Second Beginning of the American Civilization -- Part 7

Part 7 -- Re-engineering for great justice

The furious Roosevelt attempted to gather his forces and make a counterstrike at the united Cleveland-Phoenix forces that he thought were probably about to close in on the beleaguered city of Baltimore. He had about six hundred conscripts, under the command of Priest-Lord Michael Burns, try to assault their position, but in the end, it turned out that the rebel forces had already retreated back east while government agents in Baltimore scrampered about to deal with the many simultaneous explosions in the city.

It appeared that the attacks were really a ruse to evacuate the rebels from the unwinnable situation they were in. By the time expedient monitoring stations and recon headquarters were up and running again, the rebels had already fled through the West Hudson River.

Later, reports from the east side of the kingdom showed that Chinese-backed rebel forces had started harrassing American-controlled cities, namely Toronto, which was the only Canadian city to have appeared in this world and was annexed by America through mutual agreement. It was actually in a tight spot to begin with, as it was surrounded on three sides by hostile powers -- the Ohio-Arizona alliance, as it was now known as, to the southwest and south, and China to the southeast.

Committing to a risky plan to leave Pittsburgh alone, Roosevelt returned to Washington D.C. to form his new imperial government and make appointments, as well as to ready the National Guard for a defensive in Toronto. All in all, Roosevelt was able to make the following permanent appointments.

Henry Kissinger as the Secretary of State.
Donald Rumsfeld as the Legislative Secretary-General, whose purpose was to sign laws Roosevelt wanted signed and act as a very expensive diplomat.
Colin Powell as the Secretary of Bureaucratic Extensions, who was in charge of downsizing the bureaucracy when the expansion of the bureaucracy called for an expansion of the bureaucracy.

Ralph Nader as the Secretary of Diversity, acting as a symbolic official representing the end to America's two-party rule, but not the beginning to its new one-person rule.
Bill Frist as the Representative of States That Didn't Make It.
Hillary Clinton as the Representative of States That Did Make It.
Bill Clinton as the Representative of States That Sorta Made it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Secretary of Defence.
John Kerry as the Duke of New England.
Bill Gates as the Duke of the West Coast, a decision that was soon repealed due to massive complaints from Google, Steve Jobs, and their supporters -- later replaced by a triumvirate by Sergey Brin, Larry Page, and Steve Jobs, each made a Baron.
Belinda Stronach as the Duchess of Canada.
Elvis Presley as the Secretary of Culture, even though he never showed up for his job ever since he left the building; Britney Spears was recommended and appointed to act as a provisional replacement.
Jimmy Wales as the Minister of Education, who would sit there and smile while students edited their own textbooks.
Konrad von Finckenstein as the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
John Conyers, Barack Obama, Bill Thomas, Joseph Biden, Bill Young, Terry Everett, Bill Delahunt, and Bill Cosby as Associate Justices of the Supreme Court.

All elected officials of Congress and Senate who had not defected yet and were not chosen by Roosevelt to form his government were forceably retired, though each granted a large pension, except Joe Lieberman, who was jailed for trying to stop Roosevelt's monarchy from taking over.

The six Priest-Lords were also assigned relevant duties to make their place permanent and official.

Michael Burns, 46, as Major General.
Claire Dupont, 23, as the Minister of Redundancy, to demonstrate falsely through misrepresentation to show that young persons of relative young age, should they aspire to public office, could possibly by chance obtain a position in Roosevelt's government if allowed for by chance and luck, although the position, which would be a place in the government headed by King Roosevelt, would largely and mostly be of little significance to a certain extent, and would serve only as an insignificant position with limited importance and purpose unless it was changed so that the position would start having more importance, which was unlikely and not likely to happen due to bureaucratic troubles and problems in the bureaucracy that needed to be given some exposure to attention as soon and early as is possible within existing limits, at least when convenient or not too much trouble.
Adam Hunter, 43, as the Second Amendment Buster, whose purpose was to confiscate all guns from citizens and convince people that the Second Amendment did not exist any more.
Peter Florkow, 30, as FBI secret director.
Cynthia Plunes, 34, as the National Communications News Director, who would head the CIA secretly from behind the scenes and spin news in favour of the Roosevelt administration encourage optimism by casting negativity in a more positive light.
William Lichton, 22, as the manager of Roosevelt's entourage and head bodyguard.

Massive reports, of course, were made following the restructuring of government. Most notably, CNN reported that the number of top officials named "Bill" was unnaturally high, and accusations of a Masonic conspiracy were thrown about liberally. Bill O'Reilly of O'Reilly Factor fame had expressed that he was incensed that even though his name was Bill, no one invited him to form the government. He was heard saying, "Tell the [beep] left-wing bomb-thrower to stick it up his [beep]" in reference to Roosevelt before he disappeared one night from his apartment in New York.

Some journalists also questioned why Roosevelt appointed more Democrats than Republicans, and Roosevelt responded by declaring both parties illegal in America. "No more will partisanship and party politics and mudslinging ever plague our nation," Roosevelt was heard saying in one interview. Allegations of misogyny and racial discrimination were quickly suppressed after that, for fear that Roosevelt would outlaw sex, gender, and race.

But as cheerful and critical reporting and blatant satire (which Roosevelt left well alone for his own entertainment) started to lose heat, the situation in Toronto grew more dire, as the Ohio-Arizona alliance prepared for a massive invasion through a secret operation that, according to rumours, would strike at the metropolis with a large-scale amphibious assault from Lake Erie while divisions of the Pride of China would close in from the east.

That would exacerbate all affairs beyond the current border skirmishes that had been going on for three weeks, during which time Roosevelt organized his new government. Should Toronto fall, Los Angeles would be in dire danger, and a coup d'état could be prompted in Pittsburgh, where a dangerous balance was already hanging between rebel-sympathizers and monarchists. If the latter happened, Baltimore would be cut off from the rest of the monarchy, and India and Spain to the south could very well be alerted and take sides.

What worried Roosevelt quite much was the utter silence he had observed from the Republic of India, which had made no attempt to retake Baltimore, Vermont, formerly Bangalore, or communicate with the American government; indeed, all diplomatic missions were turned down at the border. Who knew what sinister plan was being concocted by these southern neighbours, and who knew what opportunity it would provide, should Baltimore, Vermont ever become vulnerable?

America and India indeed shared an unnecessarily long border, far away from the capital, and according to reports from California (now termed the State of Confusion), the nation had a large and modernized military. It was the top priority in California to make sure its defences were kept more than adequate in order to prepare for a possible Indian attack.

And it was the top national priority to keep the war against China and rebel states short and decisive without complications.

The Second Beginning of the American Civilization -- Part 6

Part 6 -- The art of diplomacy

Qin Shi Zhuxi was perhaps a name no sane American (or maybe even Chinese) from the original Earth would truly recognize, and roughly the same could be said of his actual name, Ying Zheng, at least for the Americans. Therefore, a little bit of historical and linguistic background might be necessary. The following text was built upon a Library of the Conqueror (formerly Library of Congress) press release.

Qin Shi Huang, actual name Ying Zheng, was a great leader of ancient China. His original title was Shi Huangdi, meaning First (or Origin) Emperor, and after his empire was replaced by Liu Bang of Han years after his death, the name of his dynasty, Qin, became a prefix to his title, and gradually he came to be known as Qin Shi Huang.

On this New Earth, it appeared that history played out its route somewhat differently. Rather than being the first unifying monarch of the Chinese empire, Ying Zheng was, rather, inspired by the ideology of dictatorial chairmanism. Rather than going with the bland and obvious option of monarchy that every other leader of his era went through, he chose this unique form of government that was highly unusual but exactly identical to any monarchy except in name. Therefore, Qin Shi Zhuxi literally means First (or Origin) Chairman of Qin. Some Americans would believe him to be a communist, but that was quite far from the truth, as Qin Shi Zhuxi actually ordered Karl Marx buried alive and his Communist Manifesto burnt during the notorious Fenshu Kengru period, when writing scrolls made of bamboo pieces were confiscated as extra resources for the construction of the Great Wall and scholars were sacrificed to rush that project.

In any case, the next logical question would be, what did Roosevelt think of it? Truth be told, without a real government in place, he was basically micromanaging every affair of Baltimore, Vermont, and so he hardly had the mind to ask about a foreign leader whose antagonism toward America was up to this point still unknown.

He was a bit more worried about whether he might have to deal with the unpleasant national leader that kept making social faux pas against him. That leader, namely the infamous Chiang Kai-shek, was always acting like a spoilt brat that somehow got himself in power; Roosevelt did his best to ignore this man. Indeed, if he was still in charge in this world, it would be either a blunder from the Cosmic Father Emperor Sid's part, or one of the many mysterious ways in which he carried out his divine will.

Roosevelt finally decided to ask Henry Kissinger, his provisional Secretary of State, on one busy afternoon. Without actually putting down his paperwork, Roosevelt said, "Qui est le er, current leader de la Chine?"

"I don't speak French, Lord Roosevelt," Kissinger said grumpily.

"Uh, je ne sais pas what you're saying. Look," Roosevelt said impatiently, still signing his name furiously on one document after another. "Chiang is finally gone, n'est-ce pas?"

"Gone," Kissinger said grimly. "Ni Tschang ni Mao now, my lord, if you love to think I speak French, which I don't. We got someone called Ying Zenk, or Kin Shy Zooksie." Kissinger read from a book on the desk, titled the CIvA-lore-pedia, and showed the name to Roosevelt.

"What a curious name," Roosevelt said while peering over and muttering the words "Kin Shy".

Kissinger frowned as he browsed through the content of that page. "Hey, Lord Roosevelt. Did you mention something about someone's 'Pride'?"

"Yes, I did." Roosevelt now looked up with concern. "Someone sent me a threat from a foreign IP address, and that guy's got some serious firewall power. Bounced all my attempts at DoSing or tracking him down."

"That's the name for the Chinese special unit, called simply the Pride." Kissinger explained. "They're medieval melee units known for their impenetrable armour and lion-like appearance. In this planet's history, they were able to destroy the semi-modernized Spanish tank divisions, and would have doomed the economy and scientific progress of Spain were it not for the prompt surrender from Queen Isabella."

"How the heck does that work?" Roosevelt said.

"Beats me." Kissinger simply shrugged.

But even as Roosevelt stopped to ponder the circumstances in which medieval axe-weaving sword-waving soldiers might be able to destroy entire tank forces with no artillery or air backup, a huge explosion outside rocked the temporary office inside the Baltimore city hall.

"What was that?!" Roosevelt and Kissinger said at the same time, and quickly stormed out of the office to the control room next door. The few nervous mechanics there were so busy tinkering with equipment that they forgot to stop and give Roosevelt the Bellamy salute.

"Somebody set off a bomb in the city hall!" One mechanic shouted and ran out of the room, and one monitor centred on the scene of the explosion, where several dead and wounded American soldiers could be seen.

"Wait, an encrypted cluster of Chinese IP addresses is sending video conference requests to our server!" the machinery operator said, and then looked to Roosevelt and Kissinger momentarily. He saw the grim look on their faces and a slight nod from Roosevelt, and turned back to the machine. "Let me activate the HoloView and try to trace the address."

Kissinger let out a gasp, as an image materialized before them. "You! You are..."

Roosevelt peered curiously at the processing screen, which flickered unsteadily but gradually stabilized, and he saw the regal face of Qin Shi Zhuxi, for the first time in his life. A dread quickly crawled all over Roosevelt's skin, as he knew, quite clearly down in his guts, that he was facing the supreme leader of the Chinese Civilization, whose very presence was at least as old as the Middle Kingdom itself.

Shi Zhuxi's lips curled into a coy smile, with the charm of one born to rule and command and win beauty pageants. His distinguished features showed little emotion, but plenty of ambition and savage hostility toward all that dared defy his very being.

"Salutations, but we see you appear to be wrestling with whatever it is that is keeping you busy at the moment, distinguished hosts of Meidi," Shi Zhuxi said to a silent audience. While all others fidgeted nervously or found themselves awestricken, only Roosevelt himself dared engage eye contact with him, and that seemed to amuse Shi Zhuxi greatly.

"With the kind cooperation of the Meidi federal officers and bureaucrats, former colleagues of yours, we have been able to take possession of many of your treasured jewels, your cities." Shi Zhuxi continued with painful ease.

"The city in which you live shamefully shall soon be ours, as well," Shi Zhuxi said.

"Explain yourself!" Roosevelt shot back, finally, though perhaps feebly, as he was completely on the defensive.

"Again, for the kind cooperation of your Meidi comrades-in-arms, we cannot begin to express our gratitude toward you. Perhaps we will condescend to demonstrate that genuinely, by wishing you a happy ending, and an enjoyable evening, after which we shall conclude the multitudinous hours you will have spent and bring about your ultimate destruction," Shi Zhuxi said and smiled even more mischievously, with what could be possibly seen as a mitigated degree of excitement and disdain.

Shi Zhuxi laughed loudly, his voice echoing throughout the room, putting a strained face on every single person watching and listening. Then his image faded away abruptly, and all screens now seemed to be centring on the destruction that had since happened throughout the city caused by Chinese bombing.

Kissinger managed to regain his composure, at last, and turned to Roosevelt, whose face was flushed with anger and embarrassment. "My liege?" Kissinger said feebly.

Roosevelt stepped away from Kissinger to face the door. "Deploy the 'Navy SEALs' now."

"Lord, do you know what you're doing? This could mean war--"

"Yes, deploy the 'Navy SEALs'. We are at war. America is at war. This is a day in which we shall live in infamy, and we are at war. We will defeat Kin Shy Cookie," Roosevelt said resolutely, before exiting coldly from the room.

Fun article from Uncyclopedia

Harhar.

Homosexual is a term originating from the Greek words Homos, meaning "same", and sexual, meaning "sexual." It is used to describe couples who have sex in the same manner each night. This is different from heterosexuals who have sex in varying positions.

Homosexuality is especially popular in Christian religions where anything other than missionary-style sex is considered to be sodomy. Most Christians are outright homosexuals and believe heterosexuality to be a sin. Some extreme right-wing Christians, like Jerry Falwell, out-and-out refuse to consider any other position at all, making them extreme, or in a more colloquial term, flaming, homosexuals.

From Uncyclopedia, the Homosexual article.

The Second Beginning of the American Civilization -- Part 5

Part 5 -- Shi Zhuxi and the Pride

There was simply no question about it. Even in Roosevelt's native time, America's public education was nothing to be proud of. To prove this, one simply needed to ask a young citizen on the streets of Washington D.C. during what years the Merovingian dynasty reigned. It was likely that no one would be able to answer the question correctly, even when given a lenient margin of error of five years.

Today, in 2010, there was no chance in heaven that an average high school senior could tell which modern-day French and German states and provinces the Merovingian dynasty ruled without referring to an external source. Whether that ignorance was due simply to the overwhelming amount of new information having become available since the mid- to late-20th century was still up to debate, but most academic types probably would agree that the lack of historical awareness probably helped prevent a large-scale backlash in the nation following contact with foreign nations on New Earth.

But something important was brewing on Mount Rushmore, right under the nose of Washington D.C., as Roosevelt tried to restore civil order to Baltimore, Vermont. It was the village of Corrinville, the town of patriots and old-fashioned American traditionalists. While they were not exactly Amish, they resisted the temptations of technology to a large extent, and had even resented the end to American isolationism for generations.

Indeed, the resentment was so great that they would rather have a foreign ruler oust Roosevelt, that they would harbour forces hostile to the integrity of America, old or new. No one suspected this town in the middle of nowhere and no one would have, but nevertheless, three significant leaders of the early 21st century met here, in a damp thatched hut.

Two of them were Howard Dean and Tom DeLay, formerly rivals from two political parties that tore at each other's throat for dominance in the old United States, but now sitting side by side as if they were strategic allies. In fact, they had both jettisoned the tired suits most American politicians were fond of, and dressed themselves in neatly ironed military uniforms that bore a distinctively Continental flavour. They each wore a worried and weary expression, and carefully watched the man sitting opposite them.

It was in fact a regal-looking East Asian man with a flowing beard, who donned a golden crown, above which was a thin, rectangular bronze plate with small, multicoloured beads strapped to strings made of a silvery metal hanging from the front and back. He wore a plain brown shirt and a pair of blue sweatpants -- quite unbecoming of his otherwise kingly appearance -- and sat on a wooden bench, the four strands of beads hung on his crown conveniently hiding his intense gaze, though probably also blocking his view.

Howard Dean was the first to speak up. "Vermont must've fallen by now..." His voice was somewhat grim, and betrayed a trace of annoyance.

The man nodded, and responded in an exaggerated accent that sounded somewhat Liverpudlian but was in fact very American still. "Worry not, my inferior tributary comrades. Our Pride will avenge any losses you shall suffer here."

Chiming in warily, Tom DeLay said, "Excuse me, but pride isn't going to do anything when we have neither the military nor resources to compete, Your Chairmanship."

The cunning politician pressed on harshly, though the chairman sat just as still. He calmly said, "Mayhap it is time to demonstrate what our Pride can do... It should be about time."

DeLay narrowed his eyes, a puzzled look apparent, and peering toward the equally confounded Dean, he could not find an exact clue, until commotion broke out moments later and claimed their attention. One scout wearing ancient East Asian garments ran in, panting heavily.

"So American troops are nigh upon us," the chairman said, without even looking up once at the scout who tried muttering the words "imperialist pigs" without much success.

"We, Shi Zhuxi, Ying Zheng the Illustrious and Enlightened Comrade of the Middle Kingdom of Qin, hereafter shortened as Qin Shi Zhuxi for you foreigners' convenience, shall do our duty as the princely lord of the glorious all that is under the heavens," the chairman proclaimed proudly, rising to his feet. The two renegade American leaders eyed the chairman with wonder and awe, possibly because the background music called for it; their eyes went watery, and filled with inspiration and a sudden courage, they also rose to join with Qin Shi Zhuxi, who still towered over them with an unmatchable royal presence.

"Li Si, where is Grand Chancellor Li Si?" Qin Shi Zhuxi turned from Dean and DeLay, looking toward the entrance of the hut, where sunlight shone so greatly that the area outside appeared shiny white in hue.

"Yes, Lord Chairmanship. This humble vassal awaits Their command." A voice called out, and seconds later, a middle-aged man passed through the bright doorway, bowing lowly to Qin Shi Zhuxi. His appearance was somewhat hard to discern against the bright lighting outside.

"We think it appropriate to demonstrate the Pride of the Qin Empire, to ambuscade the unworthy forces of Meidi that dare our meeting interrupt." The chairman mused, with an authoritative tone that had somehow convinced Dean and DeLay that it was better to remain seated.

"Yes, Lord Chairmanship, for Their will shall be done, as Their order shall this humble vassal thus tremblingly follow without neglect or misdemeanour. Long and prosperous may Shi Zhuxi reign, for myriads upon myriads of years," Chancellor Li said, before finally bowing one last time and stepping back respectfully to leave the hut.

As dazed as they were by this dazzling display of Chinese royal exchange, the renegade politicians refused to let their defiance and sense of superiority be trumped by a foreign leader. DeLay, in particular, juggled thoughts in his head rapidly in order to find a perfect excuse to trivialize what he had just witnessed.

"So uh, Your Chairmanship, mind tellin' us what that was all about?" DeLay said feebly seconds later, though he had not given up yet.

"Ocean ogres shall remain ocean ogres, but perhaps we will clarify matters for your lack of knowledge," Qin Shi Zhuxi said. "The Pride is the great elite band of soldiers that fights in the frontiers of the Middle Kingdom, defending all that is under the heavens even beyond the defences of the Long Fortress from barbarians such as yourselves."

"Long Fortress? What the ka-ching are you talkin' about just now?" Dean said crassly, hoping to back DeLay up.

"Uncivilized Meidi ocean ogres refer to it, we understand, as the Great Wall of China. Pity, for it is a terminological inexactitude that shames the beautifully intricate language of the Qin Empire, which, if we may condescend to remind you, was unified under our orderly reign." Qin Shi Zhuxi calmly replied, carrying no sign of emotion on his face. "But alas, kindly practise no more foolery, for Meidi invaders have arrived. Let the brave Pride slay all that lies before its path."

Outside the hut, a short distance away, three American graduate students in lab coats walked steadily while conversing to each other excitedly.

"So what do you think we're going to find?"
"Man, there's no need to ask. We will discover some juicy future technology, for sure."
"No, no, no, don't be too optimistic. We might end up with a lousy map from these uneducated sorts."
"Speaking of which, did we ever finish researching education? I mean, there's probably no Oxford University in this world, so we might be able to build that in Boston."
"Don't be stupid. If it's gonna be rebuilt, it'll have to be Los Angeles, man. It's twice as productive as Boston."
"Shhhh, here we are!"

With great enthusiasm, the three students ventured into the hut, but a loud grasp escaped them in unison, as the hut dissolved into tiny particles in the air, and all around them on hilltops appeared groups of ferocious men in heavy Chinese armour. Golden fur lined their helmets neatly, giving them an intimidating look not unlike that of lions about to strike against their prey. Of course, that was according to Chinese military fashion designers, whose masterful manipulation of classical Chinese symbolism might have escaped these panicked American students.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, barbarians, what do we do?"
"No, not what would we do, but what would Stephen Hawking do!"
"Shut up! Oh no, what's gonna happen? Shut up! It's all your fault, Jimmy! Why'd you have to be a libertarian?! Look, now there's no government to protect us! Oh, I so should've converted to the new-age Cosmic Father they were talking about on TV last night. Oh, our Father who art Cosmic bowling..."

That was indeed the last they ever said, the three graduate students that never returned from their academic trip to Mount Rushmore. The first casualties consumed by the antagonism between China and America that would soon gather force into a greater armed conflict.

My D&D stats

Note that I'm no D&D ruleslawyer, and so I'm only using these stats loosely, according to my limited knowledge acquired from my days playing Neverwinter Nights online.

My definition is that 10 represents an average human being, and anything above 12 is exceptional, with 14 being the epitome that ordinary talented humans can reach.

9 Strength
-- "Can't you get a random guy to lift that?"
8 Dexterity
-- "Oww, my toe..."
8 Constitution
-- "Is that an allergen in your closet or are you just happy to see me?"
15 Wisdom
-- "COGITO ME COGITARE ERGO COGITO ME ESSE PVNC"
14 Intelligence
-- "Would you like some pomme frites with that Soziologie paper?"
8 Charisma
-- "N-n-n-n-n-now yous m-m-m-moth, er... must follows my odour... er, order... unless you was was tryinna assathathasthnay me? Now where are the my toilfins hat..."

I'm neutral good according to several online alignment tests I did a while ago.

Server operators and clichés

Have you ever used free interactive and collaborative online services (MUDs, gaming servers, wikis, message boards and forums) where the server operators do whatever it is they do simply as a hobby? Have you, then, seen or experienced unfair treatments, and are later told that you have no rights (only privileges given at the expense of the server operators), that the place which has mistreated you doesn't have a democracy, that no one is forcing you to use that service, that the admin is always right?

Maybe. But I don't buy that kind of rubbish. I don't even agree with that kind of reasoning at a fundamental level.

Let's say you just started a new server today. Try telling your first five members that they have no rights, only privileges you provide out of your graciousness, that no one is forcing them to be on the server, and that you and your friends are always right. Don't just put those things in some obscure FAQ section, but tell it right in their face in a PM or something public. See what happens.

That's right. When you don't actually have a server worth visiting, few people are going to take your tyrannical junk seriously.

Chances are, when you're just starting a server, you market the server not as your personal dictatorship but as a friendly open forum where contribution, input, and ideas are welcome. You may even then develop genuine friendships with some of the early members, apart from the friends that already participate there.

Somewhere along the way, membership starts to increase, the admin staff may also see some new blood, and unfortunately so do elements which you find undesirable. You'll find some really vocal people who seem to criticize everything you do, and then there are those people who don't break any rules but are just plain annoying. And then there also spawns the insignificant population of trolls, hackers, and people, possibly from a rival server, who just want to undermine your effort.

In this case, you may start lying about your goals and priorities. What was once a friendly server becomes a draconian place of endless rivalry and mutually destructive behaviour. New rules may be drafted, or maybe not, and while you may claim nothing has changed, your priority and enforcement of rules certainly have. You make unpopular decisions, which may prompt a bit of uproaring, after which some vocal members may be banned, and leave a significant number of users discontent and unhappy. What happens afterward may vary, and servers may very well survive and thrive in this state for years.

But guess what? When you put up the server and fail to notify every member from every phase of your server's growth of your tyrannical intentions, you are making false promises -- you are lying. When you fail to say, "I will play favourites with staff members", you are implicitly implying, "I will not play favourites with staff members." When you fail to say, "Don't like it? Get out of here now and pray you don't get hit by the door on your way out", you imply "Welcome to this server and make yourself at home."

"But I'm not running a charity!"

Neither are the users, when they log in and contribute to your server. Where do you think forum posts come from, and how do you think any meaningful contribution happens when there are no members to contribute to your hobby?

"You're talking [insert colourful label here]."

I'm not going to argue with people say nothing constructive and simply dismiss my views.

"But the [insert boogeymen here] will ruin the place!"

Really? Are you just feeling a bit power-hungry? Are you a bit insecure that your original vision is supposedly being hijacked by users (even though a significant part, maybe even the majority, of the content on your server was created by your users in the first place)? Do you have psychological issues that stop you from not being a jerk (no, not an insult, but a genuine question)? Are you simply incompetent or do you lack enthusiasm? Look, if you can't deal with boogeymen and must resort to a reign of terror and hurt people who just want to contribute, then stop running the server. Become a politician today. There's a lot more money to be had, and you can pursue your hobbies once you've retired or when you're in jail.

"It's MY server and I do things MY way!"

Behold, little fascist in training.

Look, if you're running a server that is used predominantly by users from supposedly democratic countries, what makes you think your users deserve to be treated as lowly serfs on the Internet? Even users from non-democratic countries don't appreciate that.

More often than not, people go online as a means to escape from real life. What makes you think they're going to happily take part in your tyrannical fantasies? What, even more important, makes you think other unrelated users are going to happily take part in watching you get high on your fascist fantasies?

There are sites that operate on the basis of friendly cooperation and open dialogue, and only ban zombie spammers. Where do you stand?

"Oh, you're just a bad member making excuses. Probably a troll that frequently gets banned from servers."

Au contraire, I've never been banned from a single site ever on the Intarweb. I am, however, trusted enough on many sites that I am a server operator on various servers. It is partly due to this, pardon my wording, infiltration that I have a deeper insight than many people into how servers tend to work.

"But I haven't done anything you said!"

Silly. I'm not talking to you.

"Are you talking to me? I'm feeling bad and/or offended."

If you know me personally, I'm not talking to you. If you're interested, I'm simply griping about yet another site that's pissed me off.

Angry assertions I perhaps should've made but did not, #1

1)

In a meeting with my counsellor,

Me: Some'imes, I thinktht it it it's because 'ike, you don' hasve an aujienceth and it's fellseth like it's like it's witleth [read: worthless] to like, kermmit shoedecide.

Counsellor: Hmm, I think I'd have to disagree with that. I don't think it matters to people who are suicidal whether they have an audience or not.

Me: Is intellectual and factual superiority that important of an issue that you feel you need to quash the lame excuses I'm making against killing myself and thus risk depriving me of the few reasons I have to live?

2) Online, with some random dude,

Random dude: Well, she's a bi.... you can figure out the rest.

Me: Bisexual?

Random dude: A female dog.

Me: And you, sir, are a male dog of the worst kind, and genuine dogs spit on you.

3) Online, with some random idiots,

Random idiot A: I'm making a French surrender joke! Lawl! Bash France! Anglo-junky-antagonistico-centrism hurray!

Random idiot B: I rehash thy foolish joke! Harharhar! Death to the puny French!

Random idiot C: Yes, and while we're at it, let's bash the Jews, too! Why do Jews have such huge nostrils? Because air is free! Lawwwwl!

Random idiot D: Hey, what's some Jew-bashing good without some Asia-bashing? Hey, look at this pic from WWII and lawl! Hirohito say, "All your base ale berong to us!" Hahaha! L-MAO! PWNED!

Random idiot E: You're all wrong. We need to bash the [insert racial slur]! [Blah blah blah...]

Me: I hope you suffer agonizing pain and burn in uranium for one third of eternity, get Karcherized as the racaille you are for the second part, and have your essence ripped out from your hollow, lifeless shells slowly and painfully until you wake up to the idiocy and immorality of your inhumanity.

(Okay, maybe that's a bit excessive, but whatever.)

The Second Beginning of the American Civilization -- Part 4

Part 4 -- The Fall of Baltimore, Vermont

One thing Roosevelt never quite understood was how Bangalore transformed overnight from an Indian core city to a predominantly white town. Even the buildings, viewed from a safe distance, appeared to have become what might be categorized as prototypical colonial-era architecture. That, of course, did not mean the streets of Baltimore, Vermont were sprawling with activity and commerce and packed with bustling public and private enterprises as their Indian counterparts.

On the contrary, nearly one third of the street building plots lay empty, while a couple of quarters sat in complete ruins. The place was packed to the teeth with members of the militia, who armed themselves with primitive muskets and even bows and bolts and patrolled the streets. A hastily raised wall surrounded the town, its poor design exemplified by the loose stones that continually whined at and pushed against one another.

Roosevelt stationed the main camp on top of a mountain of moderate height north of Baltimore, and ordered his troops to prepare an assault from that point. It was a sunny day, with near-perfect visibility. From that height, with some binoculars, he was able to observe Baltimore and terrains in its vicinity. Everything looked more or less clear outside the confines of the city wall, although something seemed to stir from the east, a threat Roosevelt was aware of and anxiously anticipated.

Although Pittsburgh, which lay on the war path between Washington and Baltimore, had wisely chosen not to impede Roosevelt's march, he did not expect Cleveland and Phoenix to cooperate with his decision to invade. Indeed, it was known from the beginning that the general area around those two cities had been spared from chaotic infighting because strong separatist leaders had risen and declared martial law. Their identities were largely unknown, although Roosevelt's chief advisors, the Priest-Lords, speculated that Tom DeLay and John McCain were in no small part involved.

Within minutes of this discovery, the reconnaissance planes returned. They zoomed loudly overhead, pulled a stunt as ordered by Roosevelt to impress the citizens of Baltimore, and promptly landed on the flatlands around the mountain. Noise started going through Roosevelt's signal receiver.

"My king, a regiment from the east marches this way. Cleveland and Phoenix insignia, your majesty. Over," the excitable pilot said, but muttered a few more words before shutting off the encrypted transmission.

Roosevelt said into the receiver, while still looking intently to the east, "Give me more details."

"Yes, my lord. The regiment numbered, according to this computer estimation, about eighty thousand; that's eight zero zero zero zero. And equipment, the scan read modern conventional weaponry, no tanks, a bit outdated but still large enough of a threat. Over."

"They are marching on foot through the hills, and expected to come into perimeters within less than two hours."

"Right," Roosevelt said without switching the receiver on. "Let's smash Baltimore's defences now."

Bombardment immediately began, as the Priest-Lords gave out orders. Heavy howitzers hammered the city wall with strong blasts, raining debris and scalding flakes down on the defenders. Military discipline totally went out the window, as Roosevelt's troops fought with savagery and unrestrained ecstasy. Shouts of "Fooooor the Kiiiiing!" and ""Diiiiiie!" roared all over the collapsed front wall as squads of US soldiers burst through the rubbles and into the streets.

The overwhelming firepower completely neutralized any semblance of resistance at the north end of the city, and packets of musketeers could be seen running from battle and trying in vain to reload as they were shot in the back. "There, I killed one dead!" A soldier shouted, roaring triumphantly, and fired another shot at an archer on top of a building. But he missed, and was pierced by about ten arrows two seconds later.

Quickly, though, the tide of the battle started to balance a bit. Hiding behind homes and bullet-bitten buildings, Baltimore archers fired and repelled US advances with pot shots. Mostly consisting of conscripts and fresh volunteers, US troops faltered, and more fell victim to the rain of arrows and bolts that with great cruelty spared no one they struck.

Priest-Lord Michael Burns, mounted on a black horse and wearing the same revealing fur outfit, rode to the forefront of the battle, and exclaimed loudly to the cowering soldiers. "Order! Order! Assemble and gather your wits! Discipline is absolutely necessary here! Back, and get in line!" Then valiantly ducking the next barrage, he taunted enemy archers by riding in circles as he awaited the squads to reassemble.

"Now, group one, forward!" Priest-Lord Burns ordered, and three soldiers charged. They stopped to confront of six archers, and shot two dead. Then they readied their bayonets and went forward one by one, remembering the principles of military discipline. As first one was felled with a dagger, the second soldier charged to face the same enemy; this one, most honourably, was also stabbed to death. The third soldier, however, was able to singlehandedly bayonet all four archers to death, one by one, thanks to his adherence to military discipline.

Energized by this small victory, the American forces plunged into the battle once more. Gunfires almost rocked the foundation of the town, and some of Baltimore's defenders frenetically fought back, only to be subdued or slain later, while most others simply fled through the east side. It had become painfully obvious to both sides that the fall of the city was inevitable, even before reinforcements from Cleveland and Phoenix could effectively join the fray.

Curiously, Howard Dean was never seen anywhere, as American forces started to fortify parts of the city and suppress lingering resistance. Some scattered Baltimore squads tried to destroy industries and oil wells before they left, but the Priest-Lords were able to predict this and stop them before too much damage was inflicted. Within hours, as the Cleveland-Phoenix forces beheld in awe from a safe distance, Roosevelt had completely taken control of the town of Baltimore, Vermont itself, and even securing the poorly-defended countryside became a simple matter of time. It was an overwhelming victory, at least in terms of simple statistics.

But in terms of true military brilliance? Sending a modern army fully supported by artillery bombardment against musketeers and archers and still suffering significant losses did not particularly please Roosevelt. That worried Roosevelt tremendously, in fact, as he discovered he had possibly made a blunder by bringing in a bunch of college and high school kids and committing them to what might possibly cycle down into a long-term civil war.

All that anxiety came from the fact that Howard Dean was never tracked down. With Dean as a rallying point for separatist forces, hostility from dissidents would still pose a threat to the fragmented union that recently became a kingdom. An unexpected private message sent to Roosevelt's PDA only exacerbated this feeling, leaving him bewildered and alarmed.

"The independence of Bangalore is no more, but our Pride will avenge it."

The Second Beginning of the American Civilization -- Part 3

Part 3 -- Snatching Power

It was swift and decisive -- Roosevelt's last rise to power, that is. With a loud roar as he exited the White House, followed by the oddly-dressed ex-aides (now known as the Priest-Lords), Roosevelt waved triumphantly to the excited spectators. He was quite pleased to see American citizens of the 21st century were very receptive to his appearance.

"Socialist dog!" A voice cried in the back of the rowdy crowd, followed quickly by a muffled moan, presumably from the same voice.

Roosevelt cleared his throat to bring the attention back to him.

"Good day, American citizens and tourists from elsewhere," he said. "Today, I'm extremely honoured to be here, in the presence of you, my subjects."

"As you may or may not have noticed, I have decided to experiment with dictatorship," Roosevelt said, smiling amiably. "Being a monarch is no easy job, I think, but as I have been told, the increasingly chaotic situation in the nation needs to be dealt with immediately, with the sort of leadership that is unimaginable in normal circumstances."

The crowd was mesmerized by the unnatural charisma around him, and it was not easy to see whether they truly absorbed the words or just loved the way he said them.

"How more unimaginable can things turn out, when our nation seemed to have travelled through time and space themselves, into this strange and likely dangerous world? Is it not for the common good that extraordinary measures be taken?" Roosevelt said.

"Today, rebel forces in the south rise against us. Aided by despicable separatist elements in the city of Baltimore, Vermont, no less. It is within my every intention to crush this divisive rebellion, and restore order to the nation."

"Now..." Roosevelt held up the document Chomsky showed him earlier, high for all to see. His arm stretched uncannily long, now almost as high as the flag upon the White House itself, and the people gazed up in awe. The Constitution of the United States was within Roosevelt's fingers, flapping in the wind as the American flag. Contrasted against the blue, cloudless sky and the sunlight, the fluttering paper looks particularly dark. "This collection of fundamental guidelines to the governance of America, I believe, has finally become obsolete now."

"There can be no greater tragedy than to have a dead document, written for another time period, another culture, and another world control our way of life, our government, and our nation. It must, together with all existing American laws, be destroyed," Roosevelt said vehemently. "As the National Archives seems to have been destroyed by looters already, this will do." He then retracted the arm and tore the pages to pieces dramatically.

Without even another word, he turned from the crowd and walked back into the White House.

It was that brief and informal. The various news corporations that sent teams there were quite shocked, as they deliberately set aside the several days originally reserved for The Simpsons reruns to feature the expected inauguration speech and subsequent analyses, possibly the most significant ever since the founding of the nation. Instead, less than five minutes passed. The news crews had to improvise and dig up mostly irrelevant tapes to fill the scheduled time, the most brilliant of which was in-depth interviews with every single spectator, including one dying man who looked like he was mauled by several bears.

Back on the streets of Washington, celebrations quickly ran like wildfire, sparkling all over the place. Americans celebrated the death of the Redpublicking-Demonrat tyranny, and publicly lynched politicians from either political party that had entirely disappointed the people. Though many escaped, probably defecting to the rebels' side, morale was high, and many enlisted to join the endeavour to reunite the nation.

Within days, dozens of tanks were mobilized, and soldiers and members of the National Guard, new and old, regrouped. Roosevelt was determined to start a blitz against Baltimore, the heart of the Southern Alliance -- a name most ominously intercepted from telecommunications originating in the Baltimore area.

And truly, it was not only a matter of creating a greater legacy than WWII, but also a practical concern that drove Roosevelt to push the plan through without much coordination, even before a functional government, or at least bureaucracy, could be established. From all gathered data, it was fairly clear that American territories did not have the natural resources required to keep industries running. Roosevelt knew that these resources were to be found in the south, particularly around the Baltimore area.

That was also part of what they heard.

Howard Dean's government had been sending signals to many of the southern cities, including Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and the state of Nevada which was completely intact and fit nicely like a piece on a puzzle board. Nearly all of them returned positive signals, likely drawn to the promise of Baltimore's oil wells, said to contain more than what the entire Middle East could offer on Old Earth.

Roosevelt would have liked to that think this was a foolish joke, but all photographic and anecdotal evidence confirmed this, beyond all doubt. That was why a lightning strike was necessary, when he knew yet nothing of his strategic opponents. It was known that the militia of Baltimore might have only had limited firepower plundered from several firearms depots in Boston, but Roosevelt had never had much luck underestimating his enemies.

As for the masterminds behind the insurgency, all data Roosevelt was able to gather of Howard Dean merely indicated that he apparently tried to go for the presidential throne but was quickly marginalized; and it was suspected that the stress and malignment eventually drove him to a strong degree of power hunger. Still, being a simple governor would have sated this lust, but the forces behind history seemed particularly annoying these days...

"Being a politician never is rewarding enough," said an unknown voice somewhere far away, to the rhythmic tapping of drums.

Snap election?

Quite frankly, if the price one must pay in order to remove the Liberals from Ottawa is to invite the Conservatives in, count me out.

Now, the Gomery report looks like it's seriously undermined Liberal credibility. I don't have any idea whether they're going to lose, should a snap election be called, but the last thing I want is Stephen Harper as Prime Minister of Canada. That fellow is just too loud and too American.

So as it's probably down to another power struggle (the Liberals' decade-long one-party rule likely to be majorly weakened, if not shattered), and a time to vote for the lesser of the evils. Personally, I boycott elections, but I'm very concerned about the rise of right-wing politics on the federal level.

While they are not going to help destroy the health care system or overturn same-sex marriage, the Tories will likely be just as corporate-friendly as the Liberals. Two things I'm quite concerned about are complications in labour disputes, and relations with the US.

Both Stockwell Day and Stephen Harper have been quite disappointing in terms of their pro-US attitudes. As otherwise corporate-happy as the Liberals have been, they did manage to assert Canada's sovereignty to the US. I have limited confidence in the Conservatives' ability and willingness to do so.

I'm quite aware that traditional Tories are supposed to be wary of many things: big government, big corporations, and the unbelievably big US of A. But that seems to be more rhetorical than truthful nowadays. The neoconservatives in the US, for example, trample on these principles (replace wariness of the US with the suspicion of federal power and support of increased state autonomy) and still manage to obtain votes from partisan conservatives.

I thought I might vote for the NDP (Svend Robinson back yet?), but apart from several encouraging sound bytes from Jack Layton, I'm not really convinced they are going to amount to anything more than the least of the three evils. Maybe I should try a third party or an indepedent, if I'm going to throw my vote away anyway.

Eccentric fellow

While I was commuting, there was this old guy who sat next to me and started talking about things and addressing everyone around him.

First he saw a Spanish textbook some other girl was reading and started talking to them in Spanish, and then he switched the subject to the avian flu epidemic, possibly reminded by the phrase "Spanish flu", and talked about a conspiracy theory. He called it [cow poop] and said Bush wanted to have the CIA quarantine a town and infect them and declare martial law.

Then he started asking everyone whether they like Bush. The he turned to me and asked "Would you spit in his face if you could get away with it?" I sort of shrugged, and he continued, "No, I bet not. You'd tell him, 'Hello, Mister President, you're doing a wonderfully horrible job.'"

I felt like saying to him, "You know, Australia is doing a heck of a job at establishing martial rule." But when have I ever expressed myself that clearly? Never. Thus, I refrained from speaking up, and he eventually moved on to interrupting other people's more mundane conversations.

Old as he is, he seemed receptive to ideas that are generally denounced by mainstream moderates and conservatives. As eccentric as this man was, I found it refreshing to see another senior with an activist streak.

All in all, that was a funny twist on an otherwise ordinary day.

Paris rioting

I will have to admit this -- years of romance novels and movies have pretty much conditioned an idealistic, almost idyllic notion in me regarding Western Europe in general, but especially France. Naturally, when I learned about the rioting, it triggered a bit of cognitive dissonance. It was a different picture painted in the media, though one I probably should have known.

To balance the overly idealized ideas, I'm also quite aware of much of the negativity associated with Paris and France. First of all, the crushing of the Paris Commune and the savagery of the French Revolution are grim reminders to myself that Paris is no rosy garden. Even more important, the controversial film, Baise-moi, should have more or less shattered the fairytale illusions I had toward France.

But of course, it's fairly hard to understand history when it's merely an abstract concept of a different time. It's also pretty difficult to let a few dramatized depictions of gritty reality ready and equip myself against the conditioning of mass media.

In any case, I believe this series of riots will end up having a twofold impact on the world, and I'm certainly not feeling optimistic about that. The most likely and harsh possibility is that religious and ethnic tension will rise as a result, and right-wingers will likely capitalize on this tragedy to push their own agendas.

The more positive outcome is that people of the world, at least to some extent, will awaken to the issue of injustice in places where it was originally thought to be a non-issue. More people may start to notice the danger posed by the polarization of politics in the West.

Right-wingers like Nicholas Sarkozy, in particular, have used much abusive language, espousing an inexcusably militant attitude toward an issue that is complex on many levels. Some people have the simplistic notion that being tough on opposition actually softens and eventually destroys it. That might or might not have been true in the past where things were much crueler, but realistically, is anyone truly prepared to commit to a war on the same scale as WWII? I'm saying this because I believe WWII only supposedly ended Nazism and Japanese imperialism because, guess what, everyone was dead, dying, or mourning for some other dead or dying person.

Overall, though, I hope this violence resolves itself quickly, and preferably in a peaceful manner. This sort of violence breeds resentment and really cannot solve anything of this scale.

Wikipedia blocked in China?

There are discussions on zh.wikipedia.org that Wikipedia may have been blocked in certain places in China. I'm not sure if this is a systematic ban on a national level or simply regional decisions.

Good job, dictators.

Every time I see anti-CPC activity that refers to the CPC as "communists", it angers me that the constant power abuse from people who are too stupid to use some other label continues to damage the reputation of a set of beliefs that at a fundamental level is based on compassion and equality. Why don't they call themselves the Conservative Party of China for Pete's sake? There would be absolutely no difference.

Some public statements from Chinese companies sponsored by the CPC are as ludicrous as they get. They openly use words such as "commercial" and "profit" to English-language journalists, and still they call themselves communists. Unbelievable.

Mario Shoryuken

Bizarre and cool.